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                    <text>I
Ik..P
P

��BEAUTIFUL MARIA

''EMMAN

&amp; MARIA''

Published &amp; Obtainable from:-

MICHAEL ALLAN OHAEJESI
17 Bright Street Onitsha.

c A v ? A n m

216
Copy Right Reserved.

Net Price.

��Contents
Act one, scene one, the tussle

5

Act two, the love tutelage

8

Act two; scene one; the confession

15

Act two, scene two, the meeting.

18

Act three, the end of love journey.

24

Extra love dealers.

31

Wise sayings and advices

38

�PREFACE
This is a drama, specially prepared for African readers anc!.
actors. I t is a comedy which suits men aad women of all classes.
To children, it portrays more of the type of life which ought to
be led by youths of decent character when engaged in love
affairs.
Like my other drama pieces, I have no doubt that readers
will equally enjoy it. The language is quite simple, infact such
that it could easily be understood by anybody who can read
a little.
The characters used here are very fictitious and bear no
form of relationship whatsoever to any existing persons, since
the stories are in the main imaginary.
This is an original work of the author and any person or
persons who wish to dramatise it should obtain permission from
the publishers.

FELIX N. STEPHEN
(Dramatic)

�ACT I SCENE 1
THE TUSSLE
M y master Emmanuel has refused eating anything for two days now.
DAVID: IS he undertaking some religious fast?
JOE: Not at all! It is rather awkward! He has been
worried in mind over his failure in gaining the
love of Maria.
DAVID: But he is quite handsome and many other
girls are after him.
JOE:

JOE:

Well David, tastes differ! Maria has frankly told
me that she will prefer me to my master. I
very much wonder what the result of such an
undertaking will have on m!, future a poor page
of my own type without any type of attraction.

I like your master very much. If I were a
girl, I would not hesitate to rush to him and
ask him to be in friendship with me. You imay'
not think youiself attractive. But there is no
doubt that Maria might have seen some attractive qualities in you, hence her statement. Handsomeness is not the only attraction a man can
have. I have seen some ugly men who at the
same time attractive. It might be through a
man's gait of walking, how he barbs his hair,
fashion, emoothness of the skin, how he laughs
or comports himself or even how much he can
d o at boxing or footballing o r racing, In short,
sportsmen are always liked by girls. But what
do you think of your master's treatment of
your person?
In the first place, according to what he presents
himself to be -

DAVID:

JOE:

�before me he is no less than any gentleman.
Again he is kind. I can assure you that, I
make quite a good sum from him every weekend.
He is liberal. Many people think that both of
us are brothers. He scolds me in private when
I go the wrong way but defends me in public
when any person underestimates me. I d o not
wish to leave him in time anyway.

I wish I can get a master like that. I was
once living with one big rascal. A very chronic
drunkard, a chain smoker and in his sight, every
ugly women is beautiful. He would come home
every night after all the pubs might have closed,
staggering, cursing, swearing and vomitting. I
was ashamed of him. One day I could not brook
his treatment of me anymore and so went back
to my parents. It was my sole intention to
remain in his house not minding his fooly. But
he would starve me at times and then g2t into
the pubs for drinking of liquor. That is why
you see me still living with my paren!s. D o you
not think that you can help this man who has
been all that kind to you?

DAVID:

JOE:

What else can I do? Maria has said that she
does not want to hear any message from him
any mcre.
In any case, if your master returns and finds
me sitting at ease in his parlour chatting with
you, do you think that it will not reflect upon
you seriously?

DAVID:

JOE:

Although my msster is not ill-tempered yet,
I feel that he will not be back very soon.
6

�Did he tell you. to..where he was ,going?
Not all that!

DAVID:
JOE:

(ENTER EMMANUEL THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE)

Welcome Sir!
EMMAN: Yes thank you! Anjr person looked for me?
JOE Nobody Sir.
DAVID (Standing) Welcon~eSir.
EMMAN y e s my friend Welcome too Joe, Is he your
friend?
JOE: He is my friend Sir. His name is David.
EMMAN (Giving to Joe) Take this hmmount of five
shillings, buy some light refreshments for your
friend and after that send this letter of mine
to Maria. But Joe, (patting him on the right
shoulder) try to pull your weight before her.
Present me in a reasonable way. If you succeed
I shall reward you nicely. Meanwhile, I am
going out. I hope to get Fomz good news from
you, on my return.
JOE: I shall do as you commanded. Thanks Sir!
DAVID: I am very grateful to you Sir!
(EMMANUEL LEAVES)
What? Is this man like this?

lo@: told you!
I
DO not worry again. We must convince
Maria. Let us only hit a t a plan.
JOE: I understand that many people have tried her
and failed!
DAVID:

7

�That does-not matter! Take me by my words!
She does not know me, does slic?
JOE: She does not !(now you at all.
DAvrD: I shdl go in your company to her. In that
case I shall use my mouth very well.
JOE: That will be a grmt assistant.: indeed. But I
hope your father will not be dfended?
DAVID: No person wtll tell him.
JOE: Thank you. L&amp; us go.
DAVID:

(BOTH OF THEM LEAVE)

ACT 1 E

N 2

THE LCVE TUTELAGE

I have blzen approached by Inany suitors, but
I find it qui!p: difficult, to take a d~cision.
TIIERL'SA: Coes it sitiwly go to m a n that none of
them measurcs up to expcctatian?
MARIA: MoI:~
of them are presentabl?. But inf-ct
Theresa I only want to n;sks wri. that he to
whom I shall agree to give my hand will not
disappoint me later on. It is for this sake that
1 am of the opinion to give trials to many mco.
He who succecds will do so, out of the gravity
of love that he has on mc.
T I I ~ ~ A : yo:^ at this stage no!
Can
guess of any
man that is languishing for not being able to
have secured your love?
MARIA: I haw heard of one Emn~anucl.Really I cat:
not jqst tell if !I= is scrious. I want to give him
a tough time first. If I do not do so, he will
deem me very cheap. His boy often comes here.
MARIA:

��Personally I have many male friends. I do
not like to keep to one. That is why it appears
that I haw got some good amount of money
MARIA: DO YOU think that
all of then1 who come
to you pay the money joyrully?
TIIERESA: Whcther thcy d o o r not is not my rea!
concern. It is my policy that wilkout their
money I do not give out my love.
BIARIA: Can that be taken as trc~eloye?
THERESA: That is why 1 can say IS the best way
for a woman to follow men. They are deceitful. IF you are soft with them, they become
very insultive to you.
MARIA: I will also like to have my own sound experience
of men. But I shall like t o exp-riment on one
man only.
THERESA:

(ENTER JOE AND DAVID)
Oh! my little f ~ i e n dJoe how are you getting
on with things these days?
JOE: Just as usual, thank you! (Hands over a lctter
to Maria)
MARIA: From whom is this?
JOE: A man who bas for some days now been
ianguishing great1 y for having not been able to
h a w your love.
If it is from l o u r maslcr, w d I must have
to suggest to you thst there is no need
waisting rime. 1 had on some cccassions toid
you frankly that I do not want him !o spcsk
to' me on this matter anymore I repeat that if
you would like to comc in as suitor that J
shall not wasl timc to grant.

MARIA:

�I suggest that you read the letter. Who
knows .whether the content might not agree with
the former ones you had receivzd?

THERESA:

DAVID:

1 really see with you!

MARIA:

Against my will I open and read this letter.

JOE:

You may even find it quite interesting.
Does it mean that you read the letter before
bringing it to me?

MARIA:

JOE: I t does ~:otmezn so. I saw the mood in which
he was while

writing it.

I wonder what it is that can convince any
right thinking lady not be pleased with Emmanuel. In the first instance he is presentable,
gentle, straightforward, liberal, inteligent and
above all kind. Again he is optimistic of life.
His fellow men like him and wish that he were
a lady. As young as I am, I see clearly what
some msn tend to prove t o be. If he w x e a
big rascal, I could not have gone near to him.
But he is a good breed and his parents are
noblc. Such a msn i? rare to get in this era.
Were it that love is not just a thing which
cannot be helped Emmanuel, ought to have
been without a companion. From all reports
1 have collected sbout Maria, I could easily
predict that where she and Emmanuel are joiried
up together the joy that will exist in such a
company will be infinite. From my own youthful opinion I could say that tbere is nothing
as good as two people staying together in peace
and harmony. Life without true love appears
to me to be not worth living. Please let me
not be mistaken.

DAVID:

,

�May I keep it crystd clear that I have come
here neither to praise Maria nor Emmanuel.
But I am of the type that without any fear
of contradition approve a good proposal and
condemn a bad one.
What actually worries my mind is that I
cannot easily tell if Emmanuel loves me as much
as he professes to.

MARIA:

JOE:

How many times do you expect to hear from
me now the ynungman talks of you? He makes
poems in adoration of your beauty which he
maintains excels every other. You may not need
a devil to tell you this. If there are more gentlemen on whom I rely, my master is a top class.
I t is however, very puzzling to observe that
he has such a very deep love for you. This is
very much unlike him in his dealings with
women. Suffice it then to say that the moment
you cut off from this sincere request made by
my master, my face, you will no longer see
me in this house. F0.r me t o be in love with
you and at variance with him, is one of the
things that T consider most impraciicable in
this life. Rather I shall be a very proud and
happy person to have you in the house as my
master's only mistress. Just now I cannot but
b ~ dyou adieu!

MARIA:

Stay for a

while Joe!

JOE: There might be no need for

that. The longer
I keep here the more embarrased I become. If
you really loved me as you claim, you could
at least grant my request.

�My mind is getting soft. 1 cannot give any
rcply right now. I must have to see your master
and discuss with him facr to face.

MARIV:

Well done: If you are in terms with one.
the rest will repay you in such coins. I do not
believe in ingratitude. I like fine .things and
beautiful women. I shall be more grateful, when
those whom I like realise the fact and then fulfil my dedres. You are not a babe. The time
has come foi. you to apply your discretion in
every matter. Even if your heart be as strong as
stone, there is every reason to keep it a bit
subtle, for you to be attached to a person of
sound reputation who will cater for you in all
aspects, is better than to be attached to a
wretch who may be good at the onset and prove
a regret in the end.

DAVID:

JOE:

I now leave you to your conscience.

DAVID:

Good bye!

MARIA:

Thank you!
(David and Joe Leavz)

Upon seeing a page like. Joe, it may be
thought that he is just a poor innocent fellow.
But his words today proved to me that he does
not seem as small as I think him to be. His
friend s.eems to be more advanczd in love affairs.
Perhaps. he is aware of my intentions.

MARIA:

-

Men are never small. It will be highly
misleading to deem any of them so. But what
.are the contents of the letter?

~ERESA:

�(Reading the lcrter aloud) "My dear Maria
It is indeed a pity that you have chosen to torment
a heart that loves you very dearly in this way. If
I am allowed to confess, I must say that I am
not a love-crazy stooge to another. Your beauty
really bebitched me and your manners are so
elegant that I cannot afford more than to have you
nearer me. If you might have found me wanting
in any, form of personal charm, implore thee
forgive and only grant my humble request of your
accepting me as a lover.

MARIA

I know very well that you might not deem it
all that degrading when I make you realise that
neither nor even Lucifrr himself shall take sides
with you for keeping me at arms lenght where
any mishap eventually b~fallsme for failing in this
well determined attempt of mine. You m~ghtftel
that I am worrying you very much, But I cannot
help it, since it is a pressing need. Never on earth
h2d I recieved a similar torture. No! not even in
the business field. If I might be deemed behind
in fashion, I must assure you that above that, I
am a gentlcrnan. Shylock would like to cry at this
hard heartedness of yours, Lady Macbeth wo~ild
feel that this treatment of my person is rather
wicked. Ebenezer Scrooge himself would also prefer
your spending more than one hundred pounds to
get this offer from me. Like every other good lovers,
I shall be quite ready to do your wish 3s much
as is withie my own capacity.
Please take me serious! Consult any of your good
,
friends over the issue! You m ~ g h thave been misled to think that I am only pretending when I
am really not.

�Finally, I hereby wish to make it clear to you that
t h ~ swill be my last letter to you relating the issue.
Althoxgh I am not in a rage, yet I have the honour
to say that %hereit is still very much against your
wish to accept me-adieu! But even if I get another,
I pray that ordinary connections between us not
be servered, since my interest in you' is still strong
and ever will be. Keep fit Emmanuel."
THERESA TOme, it appears that the youngman is serious.
MARIA what then is your suggestion, Theresa?
THERESA Just now that it is burning in him I
suggest that you accept him as a lover. Such
a p t r s w will make an ideal husbmd. The wardings of his letter Portray him as a gentleman.
MARIA: I understand, he really is,
THERESA The earlier you met him in pzrson, the
b-tter.
MARIA

Thank you that I shall d o now!
(Theresa goes away. Maria sets out for
Emmanuel.

A C T 2 SCENE ONE
THE CONFESSION
I am sure that we had actudly tried to
boast up the prestige of Emmanuel before Maria.
Joe: I have no doubt that she was interested in
our conversation with her. At this juncture David,
I must have to thank you very. much for your
activities there. Really, you spoke as if you
had been very much advanced in the affairs
of men and women.
DAVID:

�1 wish my mister were there to hear you urge

Maria to accept him as a lover. If there is
snccess in our vetiture, I owe it much to you.
mvm: In fiiirncss of it all Joe, I have had a good
experience oT love affairs. 1 had played it and
still determine to plry it becaus:: it is a pleasure
to do so.
JOE:

I have got some good savings this time and
will like,to invite you to any girl, before whom
I shall appza: as a ' suitor.
But is it your wish that both of us shall
remain to love ourselves for long?

DAVID:

m
Joe: We had actually done everything that c
be possible between two male friends. It is not
all that essy to do more if not, we could have.
DAVID.'

JOE

Where it all.turns into a miracle?

We have it then. But no other type of miride
can be easy. Tn life or in death David, I shall
rind it very dificult t o forget you.
: I always have. a very deep !ove Joe. when
I mean to. Your own might not be as much.
At any rate, life sccms to be a trial and men
and women, all live by experiences.

DAVID

JOB

: Yes, an exact type of experience that I have
had in this house. Emmanuel has helped me
in many ways. He has even found me an employment which coupled with serving him, affords
me a comfortable living. David I know by all
means that bo:h of us arc of the same age
group.

�DAVID:

JOE:

(Smiling) I believe so.

One thing about you worries me a bit. Any
body ~eeing
you in a lady's atire will a t once
mistake you for a member of the opposite sex.
Even in manners you look romantic. In constitution, you also look effeminate.
Yes, That is my way, while dealing with
very intmate friends. But, for the second dme,
I will like to know from you, do we really
have any true love existing between both of
UP or it is just a mere flattery?
The question is bnffling indeed. For my part,
I have nothin: to subtract from our already
existing love.

DAYID:

Please d o not be suprised anymore at my
repeated question in this respect. Tomorrow
might Drove to be another thing hence for the
purposes of certainty, I wish to get the
assurance.

DAVID:

People may quarrel and forget. We are all human
beings, with various temperaments. Our only
guide ought to be that when you find me
offending, please call me back to order amicably.
This is always a very simple way of avoiding
quarrls between two intimate friends. Even
though I have declared my intentions to marry,
yet, that will not - in any form interrupt our
friendship.
DAVID: Yes Joe, I know that none of us is a girl.
But intimacy, a very deep one too, could compel
us do anything. Take this ring which I have
removed from my finger as a taken of remembrance.

JOE:

�ACT 2 SCENE TWO
THE MEETING
This lady they call Maria is giving me a
very tough moment. According to the replies I
got from her through Joe it sinlply appear that
she does not want to see me at all. But why ?
If I am very ugly, what of the mummies who
still win the admiration of very beautiful women?
If I am uncivilised, then I could have been given
cold shoulders by the highly civilised company
that I keep. Perhaps the minor deceives me.
But then I am not deformed. Although I cannot
boast of perfection in anything yet I can only
realise the fact that I am not very far behind
when compared with other youths of my own
age. As much as I can observe my morals are
not base and I am confident of that. For some
days now I have not eaten anything. Why?
Simply because a lady has not agreed to have
me as a friend. This is foolishness. I am only
very sorry for Maria, If she had but knonn
my intentions she could not have behaved thus.
For the sake of getting her come into amicable
terms with me I belittled myself. Now, I should
look for her no more!

EMMAN:

I should only bear the disappointment that I had,
bravery.

If

Maria

is

very

beautiful,

�there are more. beautiful ladies. I shall take
heart. I am confident of the fact that if I
had not seen her, I could have met another,
let her go ! This bluff is getting to be very
much I can brook it no longer I must keep
myself happy.

(ENTER MARIA)
EMMAN:

What! Are you here?

Yes my dear!
EMMAN: I wonder what might have brought you
to this house today.
MARIA: Perhaps you were not sincere in your' appeal.
EMMAN:
This is where you might have got me
wrong I do not intend to kill myself before
you make sure that I love you. A few minutes
ago, I was only resolving to look for another
since all possible attempts to secure your love
seemed to have failed. You will surely see with
.
m e that 1 had tried' a great deal to- make you
realise my love on you. It, does not seem very
safe to dispatch a page to a lady together with
whom a man would like to be live eternally.
But I did it simply to please you. Upon all
such contemptious attempts, I could not b e
favoured. Thanks be to Providence that you
are now here. It is therefore your own turn to
'express your views, since I have determined to
worship a lady no more.
MARIA: Your speech frets me. 1did not suspect that
the reception could have taken this very shape.
Really speaking I do not hate you. Apart from
the things 'you had told. me, I have heard good
reports of .you.
MARIA:

19

�Yes! I wish my speech could fret you the
more.. Infact, I am determined to be on more
drastic basis.
MARIA: But what if I do not allow you get up
to that extect ?
EMMAN: In what other way, can I be.a stranger to
your humiliating treatment of my person ?
MARIA:
Perhaps yon are hurt in your feelings. But
p-rmit me to say, that I did not really mean
to keep you so.
EMMAN: I have read of people, who remained as
bachelors until they died. It made no type of
difference in their fame. No wonder, there
are misogynists. But yet they survive and feel
happy too. If I happen to miss a lady's love,
what have I lost ?

EMMAN:

This is rather strange! are you quite sure
that with your own hands, you wrote those
letters to me asking for my love.? Can I believe
your 'boy's story of your desire to have me as
a friend or was it just a fiction?
EMMAN: I wrote tho letters to you and I sent my boy
to your house to make the request on my behalf.

MARIA:

MIA:

What devil then might have triod to counterfeit
the love crazy spirit in you.
Much suffering over something keeps a person
hard-hearted. You will bc wrong to blame me
when instead of romantic words I began the
reception of you with words of sorrow and
regret. I am of the opinion, that man should
control and not allow himself controlled by a
desire.

EMMAN:

�MARIA:

Can we forget the past and face the new?

( pausing for a while ) This will be s~bject
to your being serious over what you mean.
For my part, I had determined to have you and
keep you as comfortable.as I can. You were
only wasting time. But I shall be quite prepared
to throw back the rage in which 1 had been
and then if our plans work well, we tell of
the early psrt of this meeting in stories by the
fireside on cold nights.

EMMAN:

'

MARIA:

That is indeed whzt I want.

But Maria, your torture of me has been an
unprecedeated one in the anals of the history of
suitorst I even undertook some fast because
ofit. Just at the verge of taking a strong decision,
you entered into this room. But if l'do not really
love you, why should I persist in having you.
Love is a type of a magnetic force which when
it draws up cannot easily be cast .away.

EMMAN:

It is for thie sake, that I' have turned to be
a beggar to a lady whom I thought would sel
with me and be greatful in lerting my wishes
be satisfied.

I have every hope that you aifl not think
me ungreateful. If you do, then it is a mistake.
Men are difficult to understand and they are
never on the loosing side when the game of
love is played, I ' a m but a lady, a n ordinary
feeble creature liked because of my present
appearance. Peradventure I becpme spilt, then
it all means that I have got to be as

MARIA:

�helpless as a skiking stone; I do not take it
that I have given you a c a m for a perpetual dislike of my person. I only feel that for the
purposes of security, it ought to be necesary to
get a fimi assurance from . a suitor and that
should be conducted 'in a Kay not different from
the. one I did.
You are not ugly. You are not deformed.
Your morals have been testified of by many people
as eiamplary. I am even jealous of you. But
how would you think it ~easonablc 'for a lady
who wishes to exercise a lasting love on you to
jump out and openly declare :so at once? True
it is, that pkace comes.'after war.
I can see here that you had spoken at length
and of course not without bitterness. If you really
mean to have' me, the gates of success are wide
open. This I declare in' order
to swerve
your mind away from the misconceived idea of'
me which seems to be infesting your mind, even
at the moment. You might have understood my
speech. It is not always possible, for ladies to
men and gi5e themselves out to them. This might
tantamount to cheapness and then the end is
always fracas, .discontent and separation, a forced
but quick one too.
If I had no deep love on you I could not
have allowed you to me so.
Deep love on me and I have a deep love
EMMAN:
on you too. What then is the object of any
form of disagreement ? . I am of the opinion
that your former speech is from the bottom
of your heart and so, I shall be a
brute if I keep on prolonging the past.
MARIA:.
I had earlier, requested that of you.
But where you still stick fast to your angep
,

22

�well it then, me-an*.
that I cannot do any other
thing than to registcr it in my memory, that
a man bas miguidedly disappointed a lady who
loves him very dearly.
For your confession - Maria, 1 am
interested in informing you that I am not at
all offended. I was only. trying your sincerity.
Towards this, I feel that both of us might have
agree in plan. If I have caused any. inconvenience, please pardon me. For 'it is after
storm that the gentle breeze comes. Oh! for
a hundred beauties Maria, I shall not have
another if you once promise me true love, then
I shall waste no time in sending for a priest
to have us united. I am not out for any
monkey love. I am direct in my dealings. and
will always pray to God . that you be so too.
Thus, peace and joy shall dispel all disp~rities.

EMMAN:

Much talkink and little deeds might be
of no significant importance. If you were to
enter my mind then nobody could have told
you how much I love you.

MARIA:

It means then that none of us is
mistaken to have come near each other. Let
us now seal this blessed proposal with that
sign that two great h e r s often show.

EMMAN:

I shall waste no time in obeying you my
dear and my real husband to be.

MARIA:

( They Kiss first and look at thems?lves eye to eye and
kiss again.)

23

�ThiS
AMAN:

gesture has - convinced me of our,
love. Your' willingness to have this with me
means much. But Maria, your gentility makes
mc - lovj you the more. Your facial. charm
seems to bewitch me the more at every moment.
Your shape is yet one of .the most ' attractive, thlngs in you tbat will, make other
youngmen to jealaus me for securlng your hand.
YOU are no .iess. Your physi0gti6~ is
MARIA:
not only' balanced but depfcts a lot of nobility.
. .
EMMAN:
Talk no more my own angel of 'light:
Our marriage is fixed ' against fen o~clock tomorrow morning. ( They kiss again )MARIA:
i h a l l go away, prepare'ind come back.
Thank you my sweet ..heart. ( Maria goes
EMMAN:
while Emmanuel escourts her for a short distances ) and comes back.

ACT 3 THE ENDOF
A LOVE'JOURNEY
JOE:

Ro&amp; what I iave .heard' this afternoon
'in this town, I can guess. that my master might'
.have succeeded in winning the love of Maria.
However I shall not conclude just now. I must.
have. to wait until my. master confirms it. But
it is true and I wish if my only friend Dacid
were here. .We eould have discussed at length
since my master will no longer be an unhappy
man. Very good ! Yes !. my master will now
give m e a good .reward according to his
promise. If it is cash, I must divide it into
two equal parts. ,so that David. who contrri-. .
~

24

�buted nwch towards the success of 'the ventnre,
will have one half
( ENTER HELEN )

Welcome my dear lady ! How are you ?
HELEN:
Not very bad please . thank you. 1 am
Helen, a sister to David, are you his friends
Joe ?
JOB:
I am Joe. When is your brother coming
here ? 1 want him earliest !
HELEN.
i t was .on his instruction that I come
here.
JOE:
That is very good of you. Both of you
have the same resemblancr. Tnfact, were it not
that you are clad in the attire of a lady, I
could have wasted no time in calling you
David.
HELEN:
At any rate I hopa that if you d o not
sce him in time, you may like to have me as
.a substitute.
JOB:
By a11 m a n s f m x t exerciss the same
deep-ro~ted friendship existing between David
and I 'on .any of . his relatives.
Thank you very much !
HELEN:
But you laugh, (alk and look like him too ?
~OE:
Yes ! It is thz characteristic of our fdmily.
HELEN:
~ o a Th?t.is
:
gpod indeed.
HeLEN :
YOU, being n male and I female, shall
we not be tempted at times?
JOB :
God fcrbid ! Except my friend David
approves of it. But I might find it difficult to
yield t o such a temptation in the inrerest of
our unrivalled love.

;cry

�Kindly surppress your emotions ! David
y o u friend.
Did what ? Is he no longer your brother ?
JOE:
HELEN:
Please listen.
JOE:
Yes ! I am anxious to know, whenever
that name is mention, I am always very eager
to hear ,everything without delay.
David in short, is my brother as I told
HELEN:
you. Having been instructed earlier. I complied
and hence I am here now. Rcally he is dead
and buried.
JOE:
Perhaps I did not understand you well.
Do you mean date, debt and borrow?
HELEN:
(Bringing out a letter) . Take ihis and
read for yourself. Pirhaps it will explain the
issue more.
HELEN:

(ENTER EMMANUEL)
JOE:

(Taking the letter and opening it, reads)
"My dear Joe, I thought it a great deal of
injustice to est away from this world without
dropping a few lines for you. On my death bed,
I managed to ovcrpower the pangs of death
and then compile this to bid ycu goodbye,
Herewitb my sister Helen. You quite remember
how intimate both of us had been. Please,
for tho purposes of consolation, you may have
her near you. But where this is not to your
help
taste let not my. letter. I cannot
it. This i s the uneptcted bitter end of mine
and I must go. Please great your master and
make it a point to help him get tired up to
Maria. I could have done more as you know

26

�but the ineritable has now served as a barrier.
Lament for me not very much, for I have gone
to pay the sure price mankid. yours affectionately
David". (Joe bursts into tears) Can this be true ?
Yes, it is indeed. 0 ! confusion, why now?

0 Death ! have you come again ? You have
snatched my parents from me and that was during
my tender age, why have you come now to keep
me friendless? David my own trust worthy companion who ka'rure prominently in Maria's residence
during our last visit! He so praised my master
as if both of them had once lived together ! He
so spoke to Maria a bout my masters' dignity
that the lady was trembling for having tri:d
to
11 use the mau ! Cold hands of wicked death !
'1
The abstract agent of destruction ! You have
wronged me. Why not take me too to that land
instead of keeping me socially stranded ? O! David!
David. How can I get another like you? O! my
confidential, handsome and far sighted David!
Only some days ago, we were cracking jokes over
the solidarity of our affection and I did not know
that death the idiot, would overlook every other
person and steal the youth away.
'

Afterwards, life is a slow process of death.

It is only like the shadow of a well dressed man
or woman which only vanishes as he or she leaves
the mirror; T must mourn thy loss my only friend;
1 am even shocked at this. I came into this
place with the happy news of m y vedding with
Maria at ten o'clock this morning. I did not know
that one of the agents who contributed greatly
towards the project has now been snatched away
by death. Rend your heart no more. God before
things will soon assume a good shape.

EMMAN:

�I have corn.: to reward you for your faithful
services to me. S o u will be free ,from me as from
today. I shall marry for you. Towards that, if Helen
will like to be together with us in this' house, the
better. This will enable us to take heart whznever
we think of David. Ycu and your wife, will live
in this house with me and even though you are
employed somewhere, yet, I shall maintain both 3f
you for one year. I shall also be after your
interest.
(Handing over t o him) Take this bank cheque
of one hundred pounds which you are privilleged t o
use any how you like.
JOE:

Thank very much Sir, I a m - now a confused
man betwean joy and sorrow.

In view of the fact t h a t Joe an3 my late
brother David were very frieadly, I d o not
hesitate t o accept the offer which Enmanuel
the owner of this house has made. 1 will
like t o live with you and be a part and parcel
of my brother's friend.
JOE: Thank you Helen. I see with you and will
neither add nor subtract from what you had
already said. Take me as your brother while
I substitute you for him.
HELEN:

I am now going for the priest who will
tie us in holy wedlock. (He leaves)

EMMAN:
HELEN:

JOE:

Are gcu really in deep love ~ i t h David.

Even if I-had the dagger at my neck
saying yes, I must say it!

HELEN:

Where is that ring ?

28

for

�JOB:

Here i t is. (Showing it to her.) Who told
you of it, was it David ?

HELEN:
JOE:

HOW? Are you ~ a b i d
?

HELEN:
JOE:

NO! I really gave i t to. you,!

By all means, I am.

Such a deceit might add more to my sorrow!

0 ! poor Joe! David is a man. Helen is a lady.
How t h m can ?his miracle b e ? Perhaps you
are not serious! Surely, you want to taste me.

I am serious if you please. Now suppress
your surprise and listen carefully. I am David
your friend. This is my real face. Really, David
is a feigned name under which I began to
go after the death of my mother who mas the
last to die, my father having died when I was
only five. No brother and no sister. As a poor
orphan, I did not want men to worry me about.
Hence I clad myself in the attire of men, served
m y first master who made no trace of the trick.

HELEN:

(ENTER

MARTA)

The man in whose house I am living now
appears to have adopted me somehow. He
too is quite igoorant of tbe whole affair. You
wete also in the same soup. I love you and
if you still remember last time, I demanded
t o know from you if you loved me as much.
I decided to try you and so did all that you
might have experienced today.

�JOE:

(Embracing her and looking straight into
her eyes) You are quite correct my dear!
(Looking 'at her again and then kissing her
once.) Former. bitterness is now changed into
sweetness infact, an everlasting one. O! how
deceitful is this life ? My sorrow, is now changed
into joy. How glad ! At any rate in remembrance, of the whole issue, I shall not call you
Helen but D. which is the beginning letter od
David.

HELEN:

With all pleasurz Joe; (They kiss again)

(ENTER EMMANUEL .AND'THE PRIEST)

I have no doubt that both of you will make
the second couple in today's engagement.

MARIA:
JOE:

That is very sure. I am now a married man
and above all, no longer a page.
That is so. Now three hearty cheers for
Joe's Freedcm.
Hip ! Hip ! Hip!

EMMAN:

Hurrah!
EMMAN: Hip ! Hip! Hip !
ALL: H u r r a h !
EMMAN: Hip ! Hip ! Hip !
ALL: H u r r a h ! (All of them clap and stand)
PRIEST: Marriage is a means whereby a man and
a woman are both united o n . earth in the
visible form and also in spirit. When some
.people ar: thus tied together, they cannot
ALL:

�be separated even in heaven above .because
it is a command by, God. .Husbands, love
your wives. In return, wives respect. your husbands. Now unto God the ' father Almighty, I
dedicate Emmanuel and Maria who have today
become husband and wife and also Joe and
Helen who have bccomc husband and wife too.
May the blessing of God dwell abundantly upon
you ferever and ever !
ALL: A m e n !
'

" Then they unite tor life marriage and death
will only depart them."

EXTRA LOVE DEALERS
.As a matter of fact, some women think that
men are entirely stupid. Below is .given . an
extract of a letter written by a spinster to
one of her friends:My dear Julia,
It is one of the most v onderful things that
I had ever come across.. Since ' my arrival
from home to this place, I have actaully not
found things as difficult as I had expected.
Men in fact e\en those of my father's age
scramble for me and keep on spending tkeir
hard-earned money for the purpose that will
not in any form benefit them. In some cases,
they even fight to have. me. I might go ' to
b? the mediator. But more often than not,
they refuse my appeals. When I discovered
that it was only a way .of making the whole

�situation worse, I stopped to pacify. them and
simply left them to their foolishness. You might
even be surprise to hear that not all of 'th-m
are bachelors. In the night, I would keep on aondering how responsible they are. Truly some of
them are wageearners whilz other arz wha! we in our
local language cdl 'big men'.
The latter comes in their cars and simply say,
Lady get into the car"., Really, no price will be
fixed. Well, it would o ~ l vbe a qustion of taking
the lady to one hotel. There the bill for a stay
will be. defrayed. But in the end, the compensation
must be given to the lady. Of course, in such cases,
nothing like thank you is said tq them. Rather
than the men will be pleased and return thanks.
"

As a matter of fact, when I came newly, I
alnays had to receive any amount given to me.
But now, I have learnt to express my feelings,
where the money is n3t something sufficiently
enough. Even though this is the situation, ye: I
must assure you that the part is not all that easy.
Some of them who came are ruffians. The gentle
ones do not worry at all. They feel that neither
fighting nor no disgrace would solve problem. It
is for this sake that I have been teld to charge
them highly.
That of course, I have been doing. You might
be pleased to hear that I have now got one family
iron bed a thing 1 did not at first think if possessing.
In those days, I thought that any person who had
one, was one of the richest. My trunk box is
something sizeable and lovely.

32

�. -Indeed; it is :one .of.:the..:most.. cUt..staading in
the .whole of.. our town.,: Again; I .am.: now. well.
knoivn . a i d hany of the ..young inen'. struggle.
.to.have me. Th: township is quite a good place I
eat any time that I'like and of coarse, you. may
not dare comparz my. food with what whom
we take as the richest msn ie our home town
takes.

SO you see that the excessive libertjr that I
enjoy, here is something epviable. I do -not even
car to get married to any man again. For he
cannot satisfy .,me as much. as I am a t the present:
Jiving. I am only very sorry, that you are .suffering'
at hbme. I have nowgot some-goldand you quite
realize that your husband might not be able to
buy that for you. In fact, my shoes now, number
twelve in pairs. You may even have to unylerstarid
that I no . longer. deal with inferior things. I only
did that in those days when there was no.money
O! I remember, of course, you need not be remainded how both of us suffered together. When
I think of those bad old days and compare them
with the present, I simply glorify God for his
mercy towards me.

X can 'only .suggest that you abaudon your'
husbaod,and come to .this earthly paradise where
tbings are most enjoyable. ,You will be surely enriched by men. You will be happy and at . the
same tim'e free from the molestation of the man
who calls himself your husband. Keep fit,
Yours Sincerely,
Arit James.

�.Julia. had actl~ally lived ,with .her. husband
for a period not belon three-years. The man hin.self was Etim. He did all he could' to keep the
will quite comfortable. At any rate wh'en a man
and a woman live together in' one room, there
might be some type of misunderstan3ing a t times.
But the young man tried very much to prevent
any open quarrel1 that might come up.
People mostly praised him for his mild temper
and cool-head. In all dealings with his wife, he was
very gentle and sincere. He was indeed the type
th.it considered it worthwhile to desist from hating
a wife simply because she had not l e t got any
issue. Even when Julia had no child, Etim kept on
managing things in that way. When he .could no
longer hope to endure the troubles constantly given
by his wife, he simply approached Emmanuel for
some pieces of zdvice. That of course he thought
would help him tide over the entire difficult situalion
and then just as Emmanuel sat down one bright
afternoon, Etim entered. .
EMMANUEL:
UP)
ETIM:

You arc welcome my dear! (standing

Yes thank you.

Please sit down. I have no doubt that.
you will be pleased to .explain to me more
about your family. But where it does nct
conform with your own' principles, then you
might simply have to pardon me.

EMMANUEL:

�EMMANUEL: In any case, I am

opined that you
as an experienced man, can agree with me
that one of the problems facing men is the
one of relationship with women. This is
partieularly so when speaking about house
wives. You seem to look somehow worried
in mind. Perhaps, I cdn guess your trouble a
bit.
Oh dear! If you would not mind it, I shall
be prepared to call you a
soothsayer.
You have actually mentioned the root cause
of my distress. It is for that, I have come
to you for the purpose of obtaining
some advive. I always jealms people who live
happily with their wives. For my part, I can
only say that I am very unfortunate to have
gat a type of woman that would bend upon
kezping me in uttermost discomfort. She associates very much wlth free women and even
though she is given full liberty in this house
yet, she does not appear to have realised my
kindness. I am even thinking of committing
suicide because of this wicked woman.

ETIM:

(ENTER JULIA)
I suspect that you might have understood
that your husband is here. I am really very
pleased to get you here. Your husband seems
to have been somehow offended over your
actions towards him. In fact, the earlier you

ETIM:

�make a change the better &lt;I hope it will be.
-I.am'.sure that if both of you remain in
peace, there wdl not be much to worry for.

Thank you Sir. Truly, I have decided not
to worry in the house' any more. Just of
recent, I received a letter from one of the ladies
who was at first in this town. She is vary
much desirous cf haviug me outside as a
free-woman. She explained to m$ that there
is a lot of money to be realised. Pleas'ure she
maintains is abundant.

JULIA:

DO not worry. Thess things must pass
away but .love shall not cease until such a
time that the inevitable end of mankind will
have to step in.

EMMAN:

In any case, God forbid that,. death
should come at this time. Let us live and
hope for future progress and betterment. Dismiss trouble, for it is bad. Stay in love and
peace and comfort, will have to be in your
room. Happiness will also enter and of course,
you realise that it is a great gift. I shall not
tell you that I do not querrel uith my wife.
But we always settle things in a very amicable
form. 'It is in that way we easily prevent people
from mocking or laughing at us.

EMMANUEL:

�JULIA: I have actually heard and understood you.
I shall no longer make a mistake of getting
to be in dispute with my husband. I shall
be prepared to accept him as my brother and
then keep things going.

I am also grateful at this. I trust that by
the graGe of God, I shall be the last person to
cause any rift within the family circle. I now
say pos~tivelythat P shall kezp her happier
since she has with her whole mind decided
to be in pzace with me: I really love peace
and hate pieces, You have lived for long, with
your own wife and people envy both of yau.
If I can onlv live like that, I *am sure that
my days will be longer even when I am not
God who ought to decide.

ETIM:

Let all things be so. I have heard
your'assurances. When mistakes do not come
up in love affairs, it is not all that easy to
effect true love. Let us hope tbat God will
seal up all that we might have said here. What I
like in my life is to say something and mean
it. If you d o so, there might not seem to be
any type of misunderstanding which you will
not be able to suppress. Men and women

EMMANUEL:

�always like la tnlk. But you should not be
wor.cd.
Keep cool all the lime and io thr
en4 you will come l o a a l i w that i t is mare
folly l o keep oo quarrelling sod creating confuadon hrrc an" there.

m w : Much talking might not go to help us. We
shall onlytry lo we i f wc can live up l o
expmation. O m moa, I
ray, thank you. Good
hye m" dear ymngman.

I hall not look h e n or l h s c for any
advim again. The bad and lcccirfvl lrllsr that
I got will not fake me away from the right
path. Good byc Sir.

,"Em

The E d

TEE WISE SAYINGS
A rtranar with hrtrer attitude en,ertains the host.
Onc docs nor need any light i n the dark to rrcopnise
hi* frirnd.

Two husband do not reject thefood prepamd by n

goad smiiing woman.
One nn't see wcll i n the battle using mirror on her
eye oat a Lime.
Hiddcn words should never be told to ths talkerrivea.
I f your hrolhcr'r purse catcher fire, wet youo
immedialdy.
No matter how tall you am, your shadow will atways
noc he met while irackiog.

�Wcsllb o f f e d fa a fool ia like water fillcdia
a lcakio bucket.
The birds take lhrmrelves as land awoers, yet
fear the farmcrr.
A haPw expiprcuion inspirer confideoa.,
We klmow ,those that wc lovc bur thore who lovc
"a we Loow rare.
Tho csltlc informs ita o w n that it is ready.
How juvenile EIOYS PO d m his inteligeam.
A good wife does thing8 accbrding to the husband's
cammand.
People 11auelling with Ihcir encmy, must understand
that they arc rravelliqg alone.
A thief has no stamp on his ram.
A l l that you have to enjoy are all that you have
81

prescn,.

DiRculBcs can be realis. by trying.
Nothing Wid with tho mouth ,bat ir m e t .
me wisc does not go to functions to f e d !hemselves but for understandings.
The h u n m man r e m c m k n aU the food be
r u s t e d when he i r hungry.
I f )on hope on your parmta you will die poorly
created.
Hs who hasgooe to k i c o will s s j much of it.
sew m
,
i
went 10 ~ h cmarket with shrcla
on his clothes.
The wlf aduiwr term the b e instead of me hooey.
r n e d a r not know the +vcl i l l n r u o f another.
The vulrum islhe indicator of dead s n i m s b
The fling bird dcfeslr the long ,,oatred human.
N o t all !he lcavcr i o the bush are eatable

mc

39

�He who kncws how a rogue breaks the door is
a rogue himself.
The good words in the jungle and its sufferings
are tqual.
How old a woman is, she is bearing sweetness to her
husband.
The goat will orver trace thz way of the hyene.
The grave of a wlk lies where she married.
To give to the new born is to provide for the old age.
The appearance of the brave is an evidence of what
he is.
A person has the cock but public have the crow.
Where the Juvenile points while crying there you
will find thy father or mother.
He who sleeps under trees does not mind the leaves
A town may be far but there is another behind it.
Never trust a person who does not mind his business.
Wealth is not his that has it but he that enjoys it.
The one cutting a path in the bush does not
realise how crooked it may be

He who suffers from yaws watches where he places
himself

The fowl dances happily at the function the hawk
has not attended.
If you dance while every music on, you will soon
be lame in both legs.

��1

Intmrting Nm1s and Advisable Novels in rtwk.
Eaough d i i u n t wl ba made in the price on quaotitj ordered, *
il

I

i

.
..

;'?P/
. ;I'...
'.'$

The African Youths Guide 3s. dozen 12s
A Guide to mmiagc 2 6d. dozts 12s.
s
Beam of women 28 6d. doun ga
Braotifu) Abrmm in Crazy love Is 6il doma IOs
Drunkard$ bClisws .barrrs Heaven 1s 6d dozen 9s
Hew to su*
in life 3 . ,dozen. 13s
8
M tf j : &amp; act of true IoYe 2s dd, dozen 17s
uiu $ in the
*
Naw to apoverty 1s 6s dozen 12s
H &amp; I Ibo, Y m b a d English m@e easy 2s. dozen 128
~
Man 'spffbm is 6d. dozen gs
ha'R3ogct 2s6d dozen I&amp;,
Iia in the romance of,&amp;$iny 2s 6d. down @s
M i i &amp;tarfort's heart cries for T&amp;b.g66, dome 1%
o'0;
I8

. NigeriainBeohelors Guide 28 2s, d*
66,
?Iknq .b1ooming beauty

z,@&amp;
,cif

;lOs

'

love 2s 6d, dozen Ha
ur pf man b 6d, dozen 9
Thc,.,W
birtbry of Zik ZI, doze3 15s
w.M is hard Is 3 4 dozea gs
?Be q&amp;ror of life is 6d, d6zm 12s
T e lif6.i~ prison yard is 6 d dozen 8s
h
the
Two
ie the romance of m%vay Iovtr 1s 6d. d p lk
w
Whrt w w ace thinkingabout men.(No. lbomb to wnmol)'1$ 6tl
dozen IOs
.Wbp mcd never trust women 2s 6d, dozen 13s
Roamnary and the taxi driver 2s dozen 121
Sllfurday Bight disappointment 2s dozen 12s
Zk la @C battle of freedom 2% dozen 14s
i
Lwe s h d mva d 3 dozen Us
,
The86 are few of the nowls
have in stock and ~lrqmise
ta add more in future.
&amp;large your vocab by reading novels. Send your qflcn
todr forquiclr &amp;livery. AU orders are posted f m . 1 qJ&amp; p
p
all yid.

m
a
p

J

-

..

Printed by AN Star Printing P m , 62 IIReLa Road; O [ .
n*

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                <text>Beautiful Maria in the act of true love : "Emman &amp; Maria"</text>
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                <text>Stephen, Felix N.</text>
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                <text>Onitsha : published and obtainable from Michael Allan Ohaejesi</text>
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                <text>196-</text>
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                <text>Felix Stephen advertises this play as a comedy that depicts moral behavior for those in love. He says that it can also be read, and notes that it was written specifically for African readers and actors, (pg. 4). This might suggest a performance history. However, performances would have occurred in schools or in social clubs, since at this time there were no established theatre groups in the region.&amp;nbsp; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The pamphlet cover has a woodcut of a European couple, perhaps French, in court dress. The play appears to borrow heavily from Cyrano de Bergerac,Shakespeare and from many of the comedy-of-manners plays written in the 18th and 19th century. It is fairly well developed compared to Stephen's other plays in the Onitsha Market Literature Collection such as, &lt;em&gt;How to Play Love&lt;/em&gt;.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The characters include Maria, Theresa, Emmanuel, and the servants David and Joe. David and Joe run love errands for Emmanuel. Maria, who is Emmanuel's love interest, wants to test any future lover for emotional endurance and commitment. Theresa serves as a well-developed foil to Maria. The servants serve double duty as plot developers and analyzers of class issues. In one potential plot twist, Maria suggests that she might accept a love application from Joe rather than his master Emmanuel. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Maria: &lt;em&gt;If it is from your master, well I must have to suggest to you that there is no need wasting [sic] time. I had on some occasions told you frankly that I do not want him to speak to me on this matter anymore. I repeat that if you would like to come in as suitor that I shall not waste [sic] time to grant, (pg. 10).&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/em&gt;However, this plot twist never develops and is replaced with the classic one of concealed gender identity. Joe is getting ready to embark on his own quest for a marriage partner when he stumbles on David's true identity as Helen. The play ends with Helen and Joe, along with Maria and Emmanuel, getting married in a nearly Shakespearean double wedding. This plot twist is discussed in the essay on drama.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Like much of English comedy, this play relies on plot twists and servants to drive the plot and the humor. The pamphlet ends with a sort of epilogue to the play in which Emmanuel prevents a friend or associate's wife from leaving him for a life of prostitution followed by two pages of wise sayings. This ending suggests that this play was meant for the reader and consumer of pamphlets, by purchasing this play one receives the added value of advice and wise sayings.</text>
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