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'I.

I.

..

'4

LADY'S GUIDE
(To be read before marriage and afier it)

PHILIP d2 AGNES; "We are in our honey moon'9

Copy right Reserved

Net price 31-

�REMEMBER THE BIG FIGHT IN

'

NIGERIA

TIGER-NJLLMER

FIGHT

lOTH AUGUST 1963
L I B E R ~ STADIUM
~

.

IBADAN

WES%%

NIGERIA,-

DICK TIGER WON WITH A KNOCKOUT.
-

Fullmer started with great
attack but Dick took over and "hammered
him at the head and body."
:. ,
i ROUND WQ.
Here at first 'it was a punch
for a punch but in the end Dick . took
., Fdmer to a corner - and ''re.ally battered

. . .ROUE~D,,.
..
,
ONE.

hiin." ,

THR*. The batCeriqg continued Fullmer started. to run but D~ck
Tiger chased
' :'
*hiin .. 2nd coJitinuc?$t,pu.nishng Fullmcr.for
"ROUPJD MUR. This round I was a hell.
i
,Fillher. There wr's a cut above the, eye
. .hnd the blows, from Ttger were meiciless.
2 R O ~ mve. Fullmer mnagrd to come out
D
:: &amp;r this round and .enly.cndured
till the
end of the round.
R&amp;ND SIX. It appearkd that' ~ u l l m &amp;
was out
to recounter but Dick Tiger "continued hls
i,
s.h.u~ter."
ahurn SEVEN. Red face. battered eve brows
,ROUND

'

"

%

,

�THE
AFRICAN BACHELOR'S GUIDE
AND

LADY'S GUIDE

Cy. Diala
Obtolmbk

hhh

NJOKU di SONS BOOKSHOP,
4 0

6 Are-Ndizuogu Street,
FUiCfE ONITSHA.

-

rice 31-

�CONTENTS
Pages

Chapter 1. why do b o ~ s
and girls marry
5
Chapter 2. The importance of prayer in searching for
fi
a girl to marry.
Chapter 3. How to approach a girl for marriage 8
Chapter 4. What you must do before you seek for a
wife, preparation for marriage
11
Chapter 5. Questioas and answers on preparation for
12
marriage.
Chapter 6. How to c h o ~ s e girl for marriage.
a
15
The kind of boys most girls like to marry 17
Chapter 7 . Why boys make friends with girls
19
Chdpter 8. How bachelors should dress their room 2 0
Chapter 9. My 20 advices for bachelors before marri22
age.
Chapter 10. My 13 advices for girls bef6re marriage 25
Chupter 11. The disadvantages of living in a room
26
with a friend.
Chapter 12 How to write engagement and marriage
letters.
28
29
Miss Agnes replies to Philip
From a friend to a friend congratulating h ~ m
33
upon his engagement.
From a boy t o his chap inquiring why she has
34
not written him since long time
Chapter 13 The ten commandments of love for boys
35
and girls.
Chapter 1 4 Toast for the bridegroom
36
Chapter 15 Look after your skin
37
Chapter 16 Bride price, is it right or wrong
48
Chapter 17 Marriage.
40
44
Chapter 18 Beware the siren spinster.

�PREFACE

Hipp Hipp Hurreh! Hipp Hipp Hurreb! Hipp
Hurreh!! That's okey You have warmed up yourself
now. Well then, get every ready to go through this
book, particularly originated to guide you and make
you have fun out of reading.
l
This book gives a g e ~ e r a advice to all bachelors,
unmarried girls and including those people already
in marriage. The answers to the questions in this book,
represent the advice of the author out of the questions.
There is no doubt that the. reader will find this
book most useful and helpful to him or her. I wish
you every good luck and happiness in marriage.

�FOREWARD

I am very glad to recommend this book t3 all
couples and would be couplss to read and zssimlate.'
The book, though pamphlet it is, deals with vital
aspects of life which people always neglect. The theme
of the book is "LOOK, BEFORE YOU LEAP"
Mr. Cy. is a gay boy and he is one of. the writters
I can rely on his suggestions and expositions, because
he writes from the specialist eye view. I wish every
young man and woman should possess this pamphlet
of the well versed writer.

�Chapter

1

WHY DO BOYS AND GIRLS MARRY
1

Boys marry in order to get children.

2 To satisfy the nature's desire.
3 It is pressing debt that every bachelor should

pay to his country so, it must be paid.
4 A wife is a hooourable property. It is to complete our properties.
5 Wife makes us big man.
6 Wife gives honosr, respect and happiness.
7 Wife avoids useless expenditures.
8 Wife makes us to be wise. So marry the girl
you love and who loves you for such marriage lasts
and brings good luck and high happiness.
FOR GIRLS
1 Girls .marry in order to get children.
2 To satisfjr the natures desire.
3 A husband gives honour, respect and happiness
because "A woman's pride is husband".

4 It is a pressing debt that every girl should pay.
5 It has been noticed that girls depend upon
husbands for their needs.

6 For

safiy
sake,
m a r r i a g e they
will

because

walk

without
about
when

�they are up to the age to get money to buy their needs.
So, girls try to marry a boy you love and who loves
you foisuch marriage lasts and brings high happiness
and try to respect husbands because it is from them
that your progress depends. And you should not
forget that a woman's pride i s her husband. And a
girl's pride is her boy friend, husband is your second
father: and mother, Therefore honour and respect
your husband more than your parents.

Chapter 2

THE IMPORTANCE O F PRAYER IN
searching for a girl to marry
When the tbuoght of marriage comes to yoh begin
to pray thrice a day so thHt the supreme being the
God of Isreal. the God of Africa and the God of ,the
world and above may give you a good wife. The wife
who would love you, the wife who would be tolerant
to you, the wife who would love your people, the wife
who would come with good luck, a wife who would
be quiet. intelligent, serviceable, sensible, mannerbd.

The significaoce, of the prayer by a bachelor
during his preparation for marriage is obvious.
Without the prayer, one may be unfortunate

�and make a wrong chcice. and then marry "another
man's wife" whose destiny is incompatible with the
person. A mistake in marriage is a danger in a man's.
life. When you visit a wife and her husband who is
not living well, you would hare marriage in its'entirety, but when you call at the house cf a husband
and wife who hve with love, you would borrow money
and r a r r y at once.

Some wives are tqlkatives, quarrelsome, "over
sexed" and troublesome and an obstacles to their
husbsnd's progress, due to the wives' bad lucks. Any
bachelor should pray against three things when gettang
ready to choose a girl for marriage. Bachelors are
warned to avoid mistakes in marriage as this kills
the spirit and happiness of a husband.

TO GIRLS NOW
I now call upa'n the unmarried girls to pray three
times every day * ~ h e e
her marriage is soon-forth
coming. You must pray to get a good husband a kind
and sympatbetic husband, a husband who may love
you and your people, a progressive husband, a quite
and tolerant husbadd.
The importance of the prayer by the spinster during the time he mainage is reaching is obvious. Failing to pray, you may get into the hand of an irresponsible man. Some husbands are inrresponsible and

7

�wicked. They treat their wives as house boys. Some get
money but can't bring out enough chop money for
tbeir house holds. The irrqponsible husbands prefer
to show their wealth in hotels. They sterve tbeir wives.
They cart't cloth their wives and they have the means.
Somz of t,he irresponsible husbands are hot tempered. They beat their wives as if they are beating
their servants. All this is the reason why any unmarried girl should pray to God so that, she may get a
gentleman who is not igoorsnt cf the right and
previledges of a wife.
When you call in a home where a husband respects
his wife, things use to go well in that family but
when you visit a home where the husband terms any
thing rhat his wife does, "woman sense" or woman
affair" the public gathers every day to stop fighting
in rhat family.

Chapter 3

HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL FOR MARRIAGE
Qne. When you see a girl, yon love to marry
how will you approach her?
Ans: I have to request a friend to accompany me
to meet the girl, or 1 go alone.
Que. What is the necessity of the friend's accompany
to the girl?
A&amp;: To join me study the girl psychologiczlly.
Qne: When going, how will you appear in dress?
ADS: I have to dress very well. I will tidy my
hair
and keep
my teeth
very c I e a n.
I will cut down the nails of m y . fingers

�and toes, if any. Inshort, I will appear as a gentle
boy.
Que: When you meet'the girl what will you tell her?
Ans: I will tell her all I can t o convince her, but
will never boast of my self. First of all, I will introduce myself and my partner t o her.
Que: But if unfortunately, she tells you that she
has been engaged, what will you do?
Ans: Then I have to go, without trying t o tell
her to change her mind because of me.
Que: If she tells you that she has not been engaged but has not made up her mind to marry, what
will you tell her?
Ans: I will ask her several questions and find out
the reason why she has not wanled t o marry.
Que: If a girl tells you that she does not like to
marry you, will you beg her?
Aos: God forbid! 1 will never beg a girl to marry
me. Immediately, I discover that a girl is not interested
or enthusiastic of my material approach, I will give
up further approsch.

Qee: If you meet a girl for marriage and she tells
you that
she
wants t o
think
over
your approach before saying yes o r no, what

�will you d o ?
Ans: I will welcome her thinking over it. I will
give her time to think over. When I see that she is
hesitating to answer yes or no, 1 will send a person
who knows her very well, t o tell her the type of a
person I am, and recommend me t o the girl.
Que. Do you know that some girls need to be
spoken too much before they may be moved to consent to a marriage?
Ans: Yes, I know that some girls are to be told
a lot of words before they can agree marriage. Some
girls use t o reftlse marriages not because they don't
know the characters of their approachers. It is there
fore very important to get a middle man (intermediary) during an approach to a girl who don't know you.
The duty of this middle man would be to tell the girl
all about you. He is to praise and eleviate you before
the girl.
Que. If a girls demands some gifts from you
during your approach t o her, will you meet up with
the demands?
Ans. I will not. I will regard the girl as a person
with "long throat". But if the girl does not ask for
the gift, I shall buy something for her voluntarily
Que. In case you are attending R. C. M. and the
girl attends Anglican Church, and she tells ycu
that she will not marry you, unless you change

�your religion, will you agree to change it?
Ans: I will dot change it. If the girl refuses to
.change her's then I forget a11 about her and look
for another girl.

Chapter 4

WHAT YOU MUST PO BEFORE YOU SEEK
FOR A WIFE. Preparations for marriage.
Qae: What preparatiens will you make if your
marriage remains six mouths?

Ans: I will gel sufficient dresses myself. I 611
furnish my house decently. I will try t o hzve some
savings in the bank before the marriage takes place.
Que: When the marriage has taken place, what
will you d o ?

Ans. I will send the girl to an advanced married
woman for training in domestic science. She will stay
about nine to twelve months with her.
Que. After her training what will be the next thing?
Ans: It is wedding, if at all you are prepared.
Que: But if the girl has been trained in domestic
science in her parents house, what other training will
you give her?
Ans: T h e n I have
to live
with
her in my h o u s e . a n d
she will be

�ettending sewing institute rod after the course I will
wed with her.
Que: Will you like to miggle with her during this
time she attends sewing institute?
Ans. I shall not do so if nature helps it. I will
not like her ro be pregnated while doing the course
as her pregnaocy and delivery will stop her doing the
sewing course.
Que. That means to say that you will have the
miod to forget all about sexual intercourse during
her course?
Ans. Yes, if nature can allow.
Chapter 5

TO SIRLS NOW
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ON PREPARATION
For Marriage.
Que. When a man approaches you for maniage,
what will you d o ?
A w : If he comes, and it happens to be a person
J like. l will ask her severel questions, after which I
will tell her to give me about two weeks to think
over ibe marriage but if the man that I don't like
comes, 1 will tell him that 1 have been engaged.
Que. But if he presses you too much to tell him
yes or no at once?
Ans: I must not answer him yes or no at that
first approach, b e c a u s e I must satisfy my
conscience quite alright and seek the advice

�of my parents o r brothers before saying yes or no.
Que: In case, you love to marry the man bu
your parents or your brothers refuse, what will you do?
Ans: Personally I'don't want to go against the
advice of my parents o r brothers in marriage. If I
love a marl but my people do not see with me, I will
have no other alternative than to supress m y , love on
the man.
Que: What is the bad effect of a girl marrying a
man her parents d o not like?
Ans: If any dispute arises between the man and
and the girl, the parents can never care about it, because the girl has gone contaray t o their warning. The
man will then treat the girl as he likes since he has
known that the parents are not in good terms with the
girl. It is therefore not good for any girl to marry
against the wishes of her people.
Que. How will you live with a husband.

Ans. I will love my husband, obey him, serve and
help him.
Que. In case your husband becomes hard on you,
what will you d o ?

�Ans. I will protest against it.
Que: r u t if hs persists to be h ~ r don you, what
will you d o ?
Ans: I will call attention of my parents.
Que: What step will your parents take?
Ans: They will intervene and look into the matter.
Que: But if after tbeir intervention and looking
into the matter, your husband presists to be cruel t o
you, what will you d o next.
Ans: I will by this time know that a real trouble
has come. 1 will consider the gravity of his cruelty on
me, if it is bearable, then I can still live with the man
but if it is not bearable. I will divource the wicked man.
Que: Supposing that you have got up to three
children for the man, will you leave the children and
go away?
Ans: Yes, 1 will leave the children and go away.
It is not wise t o slay with the cruel men and die
before the natural time because of the children. However I will be visiting the childrer! from time to time.
Any time, I have money, I will buy some thing and
send to the children. X will also be watching their
interest, but I will not because of them, endanger my
life, by staying with their father.
Que: H a w will
you
train
your
children in case you are p e a c e f u l l y

�livina with your huiband.
Ans: I will be giving them moral instructions
make them to be a serious Christans, train them to be,
respectful to tbeir parents, their elders and other
people deserved to be obeyed and respected. I will
train them to be intelligent and sensible, to be clean
and fashionable.
Que.

much?

~d

you know what' annoys husband very

Ans: Many things use to annoy a busband, one
of them includes.giving a husband chop at late hour.
It is good to cook in time and well too.
Qae: When your husband calls you what willyou answer him?

Am: I will answer him "Sir" Infect that interests
many husbands.

Chapter 6

HOW 'I0 CHOOSE A GIRL FOR MARRIAGE
It is hardly necessary for me to venture to ~uggcst to you what type of girl you may hope to,.marry,
bearing' in mind the multi-coloured divergence of
human views. Nevertheless, I will try to suggest to
some of
you for
caution p u r p B s e,
the probable pit falls which are often over
looked b y anxious would ,be h u s b a a d

�wheu choosing life partners. Prominent among there
is the much talked of but equally often misconstructed
choice of marrying beautiful charming girls. Nature.
I am sorry to have to mention this, is so cunning in
her workmanship that she lendssome sort of disgusting character-traits to those girls that are exceptionally beautiful such as stubborness, insurbodination;
down right thick headedness and the like, while to
those decidedly unpresentable, she allots submission,
humility and obedience.

It is to be clearly understood that either of these
character-traits, for good or for bad, depends so. to
girls coocerned. By this, I do not mean to advocate
the acceptance of an ugly duckling for a wife. What
I really.mean, is the danger, if it is a danger at all, of
engaging a girl without bluffing and without provocating exchange of words.

I must warn right now that if you are not an
acceptable young man and are not well to do, ( a
suicidal combination of two curses) please for
goodness sake, do not under such circumstances,
arrange for a very beautiful girl. She may condescend
in a trick compliance with her parents wish to be your
wife, only to change her mind after few months stay
with YOU, for somebody else.

�I cannot say more than this. Before you marry
pray to God and think twice before you arrive at a
decision. A well bred ugly girl, is of course more
preferable to a charming b ~ stubborn thing.
t

In writing this, as I have done, I do not forget
that it is the declared hope of so many bachelors to
marry beautiful girls whose charming looks may be
all enough to add a thousand sparks to the personality
of their husbands in social circles, in all places 1 belong to this class myself.

We must never forget also that a girl's ugliness
could be tramsformed into a glamorous look if there
is money. While beautiful girls stubborness is z
disease to human being tact and diplomacy are employed in your dealings with such a wife. Before I
conclude this chapter, I must warn again against the
blindness of marrying a very young girl. This is
dangerous and disadvantageous in several ways, which
I think you already know, And lastly, in your choice
of wife, find your standard.

THE KIND OF BOYS MOST GIRLS LIKE
TO MARRY

Girls are really very funny while at Aba I amused
myself a great deal by asking some of my
girls t h e i r opinions a b o u t boys, w i t h
17

�panicular regards to their choice of boy friends, or in
other words what type of boys they would like to
marry. Their responses were so funny that I could not
help laughing whenever I recollect some of them. I
will now endeavour to record a few of their comments
verbatim. Adamma said, "boys who are always cheerful and are ever ready to co-operate with life, with
eyes on decency and attractive living apartment.

Agnes said "I always admire thz company of
young, handsome boys, 1 know I am not all that
presentable, but I detest the compay of ugly looking
young men. So I like to marry a handsome boy.

Comfort said "I am prepared to get into the
hands of any young man who is prepared and can
satisfy my material desire and not one who claims to
be extra-ordinaryly handsome, but scratches his head
when I ask for a few shillings.

Anna said " The young man who is social, sociable and intelligent is my choice, most especially the
young man who is very fluent in English and popular
among decent circles.

You have hezrd the kind of boys, girls wish t o
marry, therefore if you wish to be loved by girls or
wish to marry any, you have to attract them in all
ways.

�Chapter,:7

WHY BOYS MAKE FRIENDS WITH GIRLS

I very much doubt; if 'why we fall in love with
girls some times, is more than - to enjoy . the 'iexual .
intertourse. If this ' i s not why you go. a hunting
sometimes, it' is precisely why I do sb. I have noticed
that several young men fall in love the wrong way.

They look upon their so called swtet-hearts as
their exclusive or bona-fide properties, aqd tries to
rrevent another man from meeting their girl friends
of which islooked upor! as a crime unpardonable. I
have so maoy times wa~ched the action of certain
youog men over some girls who must undoubtedly
have more than three' or even more other boys, but
may not disclose them for security reasons. The most
stupid thing to do theiefore is for any young mah to
ban other youpg men from establishing association
with his so-called girl friend. This greatly contravenes
the social code of decency. Nevertheleis, it is very
annoying of 'any young man human beings being
what they are, who, has so much on his girl, to- find
another person enjoying his exclusive property,
their
love making is in
as 1 o n'g 'as

�progress. When you are i d o v e with any girl, do not
trust her too much. She may naturally deceive you by.
branding herself as your own alone and may be pleasing.herself from other people. It sometimes amazes
me to find some young men, despite the anqoying
treatments beir~gdone to men narrated in pubs and
fire-sides, sacrificing their own interest to satisfy the
needs of girls. It may pay you great dividend to test
the. sincerity of a girl who professes to stand for your
interest and well-fare. You can easily employ methods
to test her seriousness, if you are wise.'

Chapter 8

WHY BACHELORS SHOULD DRESS THEIR
Room..

his

items I have to treat dependson individual

taste and capability 1 have included this item i n view

c f what I have seen.of so many young bachelors who

have been able to acquire quite a l o t of furniture but
nrr'acge th'em'zig-zagly furthe~mor?,it inintended for
a n y young man who cannot afford for a room a par.lour.and who therefore occupies a room, in a premises
.where.tbereis no kitchen accomodation for' domestic
uitinsils.Let -me start off, set your bed in any suitable
corner of the room, preferably at corner not easily
sightable by any' passers-by near your door. If your
gup-board i s a polishable stuff,-stand it exactly opposiie:., y o u r
main
d o o r and
avoid
p I a c'i n g unnecessary 05 s t a i o e d pieces
'

'

�of .outdated magaziries or periodicals or some soup
stained plate on top of it. Your reading table should
be at any co~spicous corner of your room with a
chair to match driven inside the bottom space when
i t is out of use. ~ h r ecushion. chairs at .the opposite
i
side of the bed with one following the other is not
bad. A rohid table ought to be placed exactly on
the ..centre of the room.

Then one end of the bed should be your store for
plates, buckets, soup-pots and all what not. Shade
them from any visitor. You can shade them with
about four yards of cloth, so that any visitor caunot
see them, you can afford it, you can arrange with a
carpenter for ply-wood with which to fashion an enclosure. Your bed cross should under no circumstances differ from the stuff you use for your door or
windows, a little alteration may be necessary, if you
bave seme. The most annoying combination is a
yellow cloth for the door, a black one for the windows
and a red one for the bed-cross which is too bad.

If you wish to. keep with the times always try to
survey the rooms of your friends when you vist them
while some may be questionably bad, others may
supply the model which may appeal to your interest.
One more word. It's safer to own two spare pillow cases
if you bave only two pillows, one .or two spare bed
sheets, and two heavy blankets rugs. If you

�are careless, or if your locality is the comference halls
for mosquitoes net, which may not cost more than 18s
o r so, the cost depending on the quality. If you taxinot afford for one, cover your white bed-sheet with a
blanket or remove it entirely only to replace it
accordingly the followiog morning. It may not be
pleasing to a visitor sense of decency to find under
your bed all odds and ends. One part of your blanket
evenly drawn down to a few inches above the floor
could easily conceal all these.
Do not for heaven's sake.

Chapter 9

M Y TWENTY ADVICE. FOR BACHELORS
before Marriage.

1 Never you tell algirl whom: you will marry
that you are a rich man, you have a car, bicycles,
f6000 in the bank, that you will give her many servants
while you are as poor as a church rat. Then when
she comes and fails to see under mentioned things
you promised her that you had. She will become
highly offended and will regret and may even run a
way from you.

2 ' D o not marrya street girl if you wish to get
children easily.

�-3 D o not attempt to marry while you are very
young because, you will become old after the marriage

D o not attempt to marry while you have not
enough money so that you may not go hungry with
your wife.
4

Do not marry because your mates had married because you do not know how much they have.
5

6 Never attempt to g o to any woman while you
;lave a wife, by so doing you teach your wife a lesson
to d o like wise.

7 Do'not take your wife as an angel, by so doing
she will brain you and you d o what ever she says with
out thioking twice.
8 D o not steal to maintain your wife. D o things
for h e r a s you can.

9 D o not love woman more than money but
love money more than woman.
10' D o not think for money and a t the same

time think for woman because two can not arrive a t
the same time. Think how t o get money first. Then
when you have got enough money you can then think
of marriage, because it is a natural desire, that a man
must think of a wife when be is up to the age.
11 if you wish t o be looked as a well dressed

young man, .always watch the dresses of persons in the
public..

�12 If you wish to be respected, first respect your
self. D o not be a tdkertive.

13 If you would not like to live a poor life, this
is your time to work hard against your old age.
14 1fyou wish to be mannered, watch how people act in their homes and out side.

15 Do not live high life, enjoy your self but
know that the world is too hard.

I6 Never you forget that woman liquidates a
man. They only love your mooey and hate your life.

17 Always bear in your mind that ones. greatest
friend is also ones great enemy.
18 Never attempt to marry a run-a-way wife,
Such girls bring trouble and bad luck.

19 n o earn all you can, enjoy all you can and

save all you can against future.

20 D o not fight your wife because by so doing
your wife will not respect you and fighting has gone.
24

�Chapter 10

MY 13 ADVICES FOR GIRLS BEFORE
MARRIAGE.
1. Any good wife should greet her husband good-

morning, good-evening, good-afternoon every day.

2.

A good wife should greet her husband thank

3.

A good wife should not befriend any other
person for ex-sexual intercourse.

4.

A good wife should not fight her husband or

jlou sir after each meal.

any body at all.

5.

A good wife should not be a lalkertive.

6. A good wife should not be wicked towards her
husband's servants.

7. A good wife should call her husband master,
mine, dear, my-heart, or my honey and should
answer Sir, when ever she is been called.
8. A good wife should respect her husband and obey

his instructions, because a "woman's
husband".
25

pride is

�9. A .good wife should not demand too much
of chop money from her master.

10. A good wife should always call her master
mine, dear, dearest, smiles always.

11. A good wife should cook in- time.
12. A good wife should know when her master is annoyed and tries to comfort him. And should
know when to request things from him;
13. A good bouse wife should not go in bad
company with other women. Because a bad apple
spoils others.

Chapter 11
DISADVANTAGES O F ,LIVING IN A ROOM
with a friend.
Whether you are living in Ooitsha, Aba, Enugu,
or Jos do not agree to share a room. with a friend
when you can conveniently care for, one. The disadvantages are as follows:-

(a) Reading incoveniences; your partner, if he is a
dog in the manger, may not allow you to read in
the night when you feel like reading a book.
26

�(b) The annoyance of being turoed out because
your partner is engaged could bs better imagined
than described.
(c) The offensive words of some wicked and
ill-natured fellow who may come to visit your partner,
is a sufficient lesson to you.
(d) If your partner has already acquired sufficient
furniture and other home equipments, you will
have no sight to arrange for your own. and may
remain only with your wearing apparels and no
more until you will be asked suddenly to vacate
the room for ne just cause, after which you will
face the discomfort of packing to a new quarter
witbout any furniture.
(e) You may have the chance to entertain
your. visitors as you may wish, and will have no
chance to please .yourself.

In short, the disadvantages are so many that
I begin to suspect some young men who live on
with friends for quite a long time.
In writing as I have done, I don't advise any
young man who has just started life to arrange for
a separate accomodation. Unless he is been aided
by his parents.

(f) A friend divided a room with his friend
who was fond of women, for a stretch of nine nights
the other friend was turned out because his partner
who happened to own all the furniture in the room
was to enjoy a nice time with his lady-friend.

�Chapter 12
H O W TO NRITE ENGAGEMENT AND
MARRIAGE LETTERS
From a man to his old girl friend for marriage.
Udi Hill,
Enugu.

99

26/7/63.

Dearest Agnes.
What 1 may say in this letter may come as a
surprise t o you or may not. I will never miss such
a person like you if you are willing. Indeed it seemed
to me that you held up hops and encouragement
still in me.
Since we have been separated my dear, it was
been absolutely crystal clear t o me that you are
the one woman, 1 need in my life as a partner. T o
enjoy life at your side to have the right look a t your
pointed nose and your smiles.

Do, will you agree t o be my wife? If you can
say yes darling then, I can work and wait patiently
until1 you finish your course.
At the moment as you know, I am dependent
upon my own earning, and these are not large at
the present. Before, you finish your course, 1 must
get a enough money to marry you.
Write t o me as soon as you can s o that I
may know myelf.
Yours loving,
Philip.

�MISS AGNES REPLIES TO PHILIP
Accepting.
Bida Road,
No. 44 Assa,
26/7/63.
Dear in heart Philip,
Your letter to-day has made me the happiest
lady in the world. I wanted to dash out into the
street and shout at the top of my voice, to let every
body know thqperson whom I thought that had
forgotten me have written me again, requesting me
to marry him.
Oh!' " ~ h l n ~ s not what they seems". lnfact,
are
on that'day I walked 'io our College it was like
walking in the air.

Ftdr ndt, my dear, 1 will write t o you soon.
and
Just now 1 am too happy to.~!~ink..straight canno
know what to write due to my happiaess.
Always your' own,
Agnes.
,

This ~ e t t l comes' from a young man .to the girl he
r
loves to ,marry.
,His letter reads:Bank ,of West Africa Ltd.
Q 0. Box 18,
.
1LOR.
4/4/60.

Dear Martha,
I ,-have'the pleasure toask you whether you wgdd
lige to marry me?

�I love you too much. I am the senior .cashier of
the : ~ a n kof West ~ f r i o a ,Ilor branch. I am a W a
native'.of the place.

I think I have not much to say now till you reply.
Expecting an urgent' reply.
Yours,
Nathaniel Ugwu.

This fetter 'comes from M s Marthn Ibekwe to Nathis
aniel. Miss,Martha U g h is sorry that she has been '
engaged to a man who purchased an engagement ring
worth o f £10 : 101- (ten guineas) for her.
His letter reads:Ministry of Health,
..Geperal Hospital,
Igwla.
Dear Nathaniel Ugwu;

I thank you very much for your letter of the
4/4/60. However, I am very sorry to let you know
that I have been eogaged to a gentleman, Joseph
okpala, of the Ministry of Education here. He
I
bought for me an engagement ring worth of
ten ,guineas.

�I cannot disappoint him for the sake of anybody. Thank you very much
Yours,
Martha Ugcvu.

This letter comes from Obi Kalu to the girl he loves
to marry.
The letter reads:Kingsway Chemist,
Onitsha;
2/5/60.

Dear Emily,
'May I know whelher or not you have been eagaged.
When I am furnish with this information, I shall
write or not again.
Yours,
Obi Kalu.

The girl Emily Uche replies. Her letter reads:Teacher Training College,
Owerri-Nta,
E~stern Nigeria.
'

10/5/60.

Dear Mr. Kalu,
I have the pleasure to inform you that I have
not been engaged.
.3l

�Thank you for your enquiry.
Yours,
Emily Uche.
The man, Mr. Obi Kalu writes again-to Miss Emily
Uche.
'

His letter reads:Kingsway Chemist,
Onitsha.
18/5/60.

Dear Emily,
e,
Thank you very much for your answer. Y s
what I want to tell you is that I love you and
want to marry you if you would agree.
Please what is your opinion?
Yours,
Obi Kalu.

.

The girl Miss Emily in her opinion on the marriage
wishes both o f them to have time to enquire about
the manners, behaviours o f each one, before the
marriage may get head.

The reply reads:

-

Teachers' Training College,
P. 0. Box 143,
Owerri Nta,
Eastern Nigeria.

-

26/5/60.

Dear Mr. Obi,

I am interested to marry you but it must
months
take
me
good three

�to make some investigations about you. Your manners. bebaviours, etc. You can also make investigations about me.
I cannot just marry you because I see that
you are atll, handsome, o r works in a big office. You
should not also marry me simply because I am
rather fmrly beautiful. We must know ourselves
quite alright. I hope you will sre with my points.
Yours,
Emily Uche.
FROM A FRIEND TO A FRIEND CONGRATULATING HIM Upon his Engagement.
'

Owerri Road,
Oyo Nigeria,
26/7/63.

Dear Charles,
1 was very surprised to read in the newspaper
this morning of your engagement aod could have
wished that I have learnt of it first from you not
through the press.
1 trust my dear friend that you know what
you are about. Marriage is really a serious under
taking even nowadays when so many young boys
seem to embark dpon it very lightly.
I know nothing of your fiancee personally, but
I do feel that you are very young with career still
to make, and ought to besitate before you embark
upon the responsibilities o f marriage.
I trust that your fiancee is the kind of a girl
who will be a real help to you. Hoping to hear from
you soon.

I remain,
Yours affectionately,
Robert Uju.

�FROM A BOY TO HIS CHAP INQUIRING
why she has not written him since long time.

C. K. C. Ogwo,
P. 0. Box 6.
26/7/63.,

My beloved,
It is, nearly three weeks since you wrote and
I am so worried in case some thing is wrong. But I
suggested that you are ill or have met with an accident.
Still, I can not help worrying and imaging the
case and even if all is well with you, I still feel
cause to worry and wonder what is your reason for
this long silence.
Do write soon and tell me if any thing is wrong
for 1 shall not rest till I hear from you.
Yours always,
Jack.

REQUESTING A FRIEND TO BE BEST MAN
Highway Shop,
Box 66.
Umuahia.
26/i/ti3.

Dear Angus,

I have fixed the 18th of Nov. for my wedding
day and I am writing to ask you to do me the honour of being "best man".
It will mean a ' great deal to me if you can do
me this great service, so, I hope you will not
disappoint
me. The
w e d d i n g will

�take place ,in.,-.-.
.-.-.
-.-......and. I hope you will be
free to stay with me for a. fey davs before hand.
Yours.
Henry Jackson.
'

Chapter 13

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF LOVE FOR
Roys and Girls.
1

Bring to the alter of msrrying,a healthy body.

2 Treat your. partner as an equal counselled
with, aod work togtther in solving mutual problems.
3

Show appreciation.

4 Pappy love relations are similar to business
b
bargains as both parties should gain . j them.

5 Preserve self-respect.
6

partner.

Do

not upset

the self-esteem of your

7 Do not have or .expect a rigid routine.
Surprise can bring .much happiness.

8 Have eoafidence in sex.relations. Perfect love
casteth out fear.
9

Control your sex life. Do not be a slave.

10 Respect love for its worth. It can be of
the biggest factors in your. happiness and success.

�Chapter 14
TOAST FOR THE BRIDEGROOM
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I have
the greatest pleasure and respect to say something
about the bridegroom, Mr..-....., .............
1
know him from the immemorial. He is a gentleman,
a man of his wordr, a quiet and God fearing fellow.
However, he is pivious and irritable when crossed
over too much.

I am proud to s a y that since. my association
with him, we have not clashed in anything and it
has not come to my knowledge that he bas got
trouble with anyone. His policy is not to worry
anybody, and does not like to be worried. .(applause)
I must tell his wife that God loves her too
much to has given him this kind of husband. She
is lucky very much. She is going to live with a husband who is simple, kind, sympathetic, generous, God
fearing. She is going to live with a gentleman who
is a friend to all and enemy to none. The large
number of guests in this Hall has confirmed my re.,
"
---..-.---. "--.,.....-.
marks on Mr...

.

Let me tell you, were it to be that he is a
female, I will commit suicide if I don't marry "him"
(Long applause);
36

�Chapter 15
LOOK AFTER YOUR SKIN
I wonder how many girls give as much attention'to their skin as they do to their hair and figures.
A fresh skin, glowing with health, is the basisof
beauty. Remember that the care of your skin begins
under the surface and a perfect skin goes hand in
hand with general good health, a balanced diet and
sufficient sleep. Those continueas late nights reflect
on :ven the best and most perfect of' complexions.

The skin is made up of several layers. The
epidermis, which is the top layer, is composed of
many paper thin layers. This is the layer that is
most affected by cosmetic ingredients. It should be kept
very very clean to help prevent spots and blemishes,
dandruff falling onto the face is often the cause of
spots so, check that your hair is free of it. Blackheads are the result of clogged pores and a force
steam bath, or the process of "pelling" which we
will discuss later, is a quick and rewarding remedy.

Herr are a few ''DO'S" and DON'T'S"
you on your way to a lovely skin.
87

to help

�1 After washing your face with warm water
rinse with cool water to close up the pores and
give your skin a smooth appearance.

2 If you wear make-up clean it off every night,
no matter how tired you are or how late it is.
Cold cream is the best for dry skins and a liquid
make-up remover for oily skins. Remove every tracs
of make-up otherwise your pores will become clogged
and enlarged.
. . 3 Wear sun glasses if the sun is strong as
constant squinting will encourage premature "crow's
feet" around the eyes.
4 Nevcr pick a spot as this will only make it
worse. Just dab it with an antiseptic lotion and leave
it to heal.

5 After washing, don't use cream on the face
immediately. Give thc pores time to close up properly.

6 Finally a gooa intake of water every day
deeps your skin looking fresh and dewy. Remember
beauty starts from within. Brenda Bucknor.

Chapter 16
BRIDE PRICE: I I RIGHT OR WRONG?
S T
Only recently, The Federation of Nigerian Women's Organisation made an urgent call to all
institutions concerned to denounce and abolish as a
social evil the payment or demand of bride price in
Nigeria as an essential part sf our institution of
marriage.

�This call at once sparked off a current of contro.
oversial comment in the Press, the Radio and even
in pubs and educational institutions.

To understand the matter more closely and perhaps to give the arguments a more educative approach
we have organised a series of inter secondary and
college debates and symposiums. One of such debates
just held was that between Marymount Girls' College,
Agbor and Sacred Heart Teachers' Training College,
Ubiaja.
ARGUMENT

On the whole the arguments adduced have been the
same or at least nearly the same, and for the benefit of
our youth and for the considei~tion of the
Nigeria public, esptcrally the various religious, cultural
and govermental institutions concerned, here are the
though provoking arguments against bride price raised
by the future brides and bridegrooms of this country.
"Bride price makes the wife a slave to her husband.
since both she and her parents not only become
very indebted to her so-called husband but also the
woman on her part is generally made from the outset to feel unequal to the man, since she appears to
have to contributed nothing substantially to secure the

'

�matrimonial contract.
As it were, the husband can always look up and
say: "You are the fruit of my labour", thus regardiog
the wife just as one of tht various items of property
in his house.
The sound reasoning in this argument leaves
nothing to comment upon. Therc is no doubt that,
thus viewed, the payment of bride price doubts
marriage with the odious name of "slavery."
Howbeir, the recent payment' of heavy dowry
on the part of the bride in the form of 'presents'
usually offsets this feeling of indebtness' on the
part of the bride and her parents who can thus
equally brag. "We gave so much." Bride price as
a custom iscontrary to the l a w of Nature, because
daughters, thus sold are free gifts of nature to parents,
who therefore have no right to make nature's gifts,
a marketable commodity.

Chapter 17

MARRIAGE
The lower animals, it has b x n argued, are
therefore more law-abiding than humans, because,
they
neither give nor take
in marriage,

�yet they reproduce and .multiply:"
One, however, m3y well csk if thoze ~ t h r llrings
r
yams, beans and fowls we buy and sell arc not
equally natures gifts as well. Again, if human beings
should reproducz and multiply without propzr attachments, would that not amount to prostitution?
There you are. You must look a t the way you please.
"Bride price encourages corruption and immotality
in our society today, because it bars many poor
men and women from marrying at all and prevents
some from marrying their chosen wives simply becauuse they cannot pay for them.
Many bachelors and spinsters are. thus left floating
the men turning to 'wolves', as our, girls at times
call them, and the women flocking into the hotels also
for "wo!fish practices".
What a case against bride price this is! But X
thiok this is true only where parents ask very high
prices far their daughters. And watch, price have been
indeed very high these days, except of course in Eastern
Nigeria where the bridegroon has to hand over his
legally stipulated £35 under police escort to his fatherin-law!

PROBLEM
And what father-in-law would accept a police
his
s e r g e a n t
i n

�house'under such a situalion? We must think it all
over again, you see. "Since bride price prevents
many men and women from marrying at all, it therefnre.creates the problem of depopulation. Nigeria
may therefore soda suffer from depopulation and may
in future even be threatened by the danger of lack of
man-power in her trade, industry, the civil service
and the professions."

This point in .fact needs urgent investigation by
Nigerian economists.. .The pros and cons of such a
situation should be studied and precaution taken
before it prover too lap, f i r Rome herself had suffered such disaster in her long and checked history and
lack: of man-power had cost her, her old empire,

DEMAND

"Bride price is demanded because some parents
are,poor and need some compensation for parting witb
thcir daughters who help them in maintain the family
and in manual work, and not necessarily because
parents do not know that such a practice is evil."

Then one may ask: "How far does such money
t o
r e m o v e
r e c e i v e d
g 0
42

�the poverty and the vant? . Cer~ainlynot beyond
the elbow.
"Bride price stains relationship between the son
and the father-in-law, sioce the young husband, after
stripping himself naked to pay too much, soon decides
to keep himself to'himself and leave in abeyance
the relationship that cost him so much.

ENCOURAGEMENT
"Bride p r i e encourages .debt and bave often led
to bankruptcy which has ruin:d many families, because
many men do borrow money at high interestpates
during marriage, which debts they are later hardly
able. to. pay since responsibility soon grows with
family and man's economic condition grqws worse.
At best this may lead to divorce or yet add to unhappiness in marital life!'

'Bride price is averse to justice and democracy,
because it is one sided enriching the parents of the
bride (who in fact may bave spent less on the education of their daughter) by robbing the couple and the
parents of of the bridegroom, at time'to the poiat
of desitution.

�DEMOCRACY
It destroys democracy because, thus "bought,"
the housewife bxomes econon~ically, socially and
morally "bonded" to her husband and henceforth never
bold enough to stand on equal footingwith the man
she calls her "partner."
"Bride price therefore is a social evil which
should henceforth be. stamped out as not of date and
obnoxious to the modern progressive democracy of
Nigerian society."
Howbeit, is goes without saying that the arguments so far adduced, bowever sound and reasonable,
have obviously been one sided. In such a aontrovercial
topic, we must lough both ends of the stick then
weigh,and consider before we draw our conclusions.
For the other side of the matter, please what
really do you think? Ne\erthcless keep it to your
self and turn t o this page again next time for The
case in favour of Bride.-Theresa
Chapter 18

EEWARE THE SIREN SPINSTERS!

I have just stumble on a new fact. Lagos spinsters prefer married men as boy-friends. I was put
into this secrct by a beautiful gin swiggiog

�but deadly siren who thought shr was taking me
for a ride when in fact, the.shoc: v a &lt; on the other
foot.

I'ai a journalist, with all the journalist's failings.

I was loaking for a copy, and tc. g:t it I did not care

to buy as much gin as possible or even ti; pretend to
a
make advances to the beauhfd liarror. T me all was
done i n course of my profession all, including my
being drunk under the tablz, my stealing a hot kiss, nig
promising to hire a furnished flat and much other
jibbity-gabbity of a man in love.

-

Thr thing started this way. I hzd asked a young
friend of mine to get me in touch with the most
articulate of Lagos spinsters. In no time, hc had orgiinied the most eye-cntching me. Oa the appointed dav.
I took the beautiful siren ta a Favourits drinking place
of mine.

What would you like to drink? I asked. "Gin please," the siren cooed. And gin was brought while 1
had my inevitable b m . Ona gin, two gin, thrre gin,
four gin, Damn! I held to. I waned the siren to be
soused propertly before giving her the line. 1 held to
until she got her tenth gin. She was still on the
thing when I s3rted to hah and to hawk and toeh.
I was agonizing over my lind of approttch. Very
soon I found one.

�1 said to the siren, you are beautiful. But for my
status, I would have liked to befriend you. What a
pity that I married without searching deeper searching
for you.

I dried up and waited. But I did not wait for long
After clearing her throat, he siren said. Well, I don't
see that znything has gone wrong. 1 also would like
to be your friend, You are generous. You belong to
the Lagos high society. You hold a high executive
post in your place ofwork. You have a !avishcar. You
are not ugly as a man. You have everything that
warms the cockless of a girl's heart. I m ready for
'
you if you want it in that way.

I was flummoxed, I did not know that the apple
would fall by my merely leaning on the tree. I wanted
to make sure that the siren was not pulling my leg. I
said, But what of my wife? Won't she be a hindrancz?
Supposing any thing goes wrong?
You would be left high and dry you know. I
won't claim the thing or admit responsibility. To do
either would lead me to a divorce court. Look here,
J won't like you to feel. deceived. That's why I have
put my cards on the table. face up. Shall I give you
rime to go home and consider some of the inplications
of what you are about to undertake?
The beautiful siren was smiling beautifully. She
said, There's notbing to consider. Many of us prefer

�married man.. They ars safer. They are more responsible. They won't clolit you if they find you in
company of someone else. To do that would givc
them away. They never argue with your request if
you make 2ay. They fear that to refuse would turn
you into a blackmailer. And if baby cnmcs they pay
anything to get rid of it or they simply .turn its moth:~'~ into everyday paradise.
life

They please so because they are afraid of being
betrayed. And there i s another thing. A married
man is a better lover because hc thinks he finds in his
girl friend the sercnity and love he docs not fjnc in his
wife. He is better fun too because he is a great
'
m
illusionist. Don't agonize on my behalf. I game.
Are you?

And I wzs. I was game bccause I feared that my
secrct wou!d find me out if I cried off thc girl therc
and then. So we became lovcrs I continued to pay
for enormous quantities of gin to receive in turn
many illuminating lectures on the minds of Lagos
spinsters.

Some of the lectures wcrc amusing, but some
were frightening. Until then I did not know that a
great love could develope from a conscious effort to
cheat. I thoaght the siren was out for a good time.

�It soon came out that she was out to possess me..
On the third week of my affair with the siren. 1
started getting many strange telephone calls from some
people that I had never known, and the question all
of them always put t o me was.
I s i t true that you will soon be divorcing your
wife t o marry Miss so and s o ? After I had had this
terrifying inquiry for three days, I became quite disorganised.
My reaction was violent. I barred the siren from
communicating me. 1 also took measures to ensure
that we never met. Sbe did not take my reaction
lying down. She pleaded with my friends t o persuade
me. She told some of them that she would commit
suicide if I did not change my mind. But 1 stood
firm. Not even for journalism would I sacrifice
my marriage.
What really happened? The siren was not joking
about the tale she told her friends. From cheating
me she had grown t o loving me desperately to the
point of taking steps to force the dissolution of my
marriage.
And let ma say that there are many married men
who, a s they are reading this, are facing. the same
danger. Many spinsters in Lagos don't gwe a hoot
about what other women they throw over to achieve
their ambition-which is t o marry into homes that
have already been built up by other women.

��..

BOOKS PUBLISHED BY

NJOKU &amp; SONS
My $pen daughters a n after 'young boys
39.
: o play love
t
,,,,.,,
&lt;:,.+.+~.. 4
3s 6d
.. .( ?. .ld 3s 6d
W e story of boys and g i b [$~,:,Q&amp;,!iJ.$i
2s 6d
How to make k v e with bo?g
Love shall n k r End
3s 6d
Beware o Woma
f
2s 6d
A Guide 1.0 Marfikge
; I c r ; A 6d
H w to kn&amp; Hausa, Igbo, Ydruba and English
o
2s 66
Why bop of nowadays don% trust their girl friends 2s 6d
The ' way to Sueceed ii Wfe
3s
How to write Love Letters
3s 6d
How Tshombc and Mobutu regretled after. the death
3s6d
of Mr Lurnumbg
How to writs good English, Letten &amp; Compositions 3s 6d
A Guide to Lovers
(It pWq)
2s 6d
No condition is Perman. nt
2s6d
The game of love and How t o play it
Never trust all People nwadays for salutat;on is
not Love
Why boys of nowadays don't mmy in time
HOWt p t n bdy in Love,
o
How to write better 1etters.app~cations and
busincsr letters

,

HOW

,

&lt;'."

,;
'

,.

..

-;

+ . :,,

A..-.

Send your Orders

-a

,

G

.A

to:

NJOKU &amp; SONS BOOKSHOP
c/o, 6 Aroudiuogu Street,
Fegge Onitshs Nigeria.
If You want our CaJD09 r n d 36 stamp
aprcessld -customers.

-

-

v,
,

. .

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      </elementSet>
    </elementSetContainer>
  </item>
</itemContainer>
